Rebuilding Trust after an Affair

Rebuilding Trust after an Affair

By: Staci Lee Schnell, M.S., C.S., LMFT

September 12, 2015


Rebuilding the trust lost in a marriage after one spouse has had an affair is hard work. Trust can be rebuilt and the relationship can be better than ever if you take the time and have patience. A highly trained Marriage Counselor can facilitate the work that needs to happen.


In order to regain trust, one must show their understanding of their partner’s feelings and the unfaithful spouse must prove true regret. Showing willingness to change is a start in earning back a spouse’s trust. Proving one is serious, reliable, and safe to love again is the goal.  Rebuilding the trust in a marriage means rebuilding the credibility with one’s spouse.



Here are some ways to begin to rebuild trust.


  • Be Open and Honest. Answer all questions truthfully even if the answers may be hurtful to hear.


  • No Secrets. Give all passwords (phone, email, Social Media, financial accounts, etc.) to one’s spouse.


  • Be a Team. Letting one’s spouse know if the person with whom the affair was makes contact again is a huge trust builder. Decide together how to handle it.


  • Be Dependable, Reliable, and Consistent. Check in regularly throughout the day.


  • Be Attentive and Affectionate. Show interest in your spouse’s day and interests.


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