Reconnecting Emotionally and Physically After an Affair

Reconnecting Emotionally and Physically After an Affair

By Staci Lee Schnell, M.S., C.S., LMFT

September 19, 2015

Reconnecting with one’s spouse both emotionally and physically after an affair is difficult but can be achieved with some dedication and hard work. Rediscovering the love for one another does not happen overnight. It takes time for both to work through the distrust and pain caused by the affair and reach out to each other again with genuine love and respect.

Determining whether there was an emotional and/or physical disconnection in the marriage is the first step in the reconnection process. Discussing which areas in the marriage need to be nurtured so that both partners can feel reconnected is important.  Next, the couple must be fully committed to repairing the damage.  Finally, reconnection can commence.

Emotional Reconnection

• Be Open and Honest.
• Admitting why one strayed is important.
• Answer All Questions. Even if the answers hurt.

• Rebuild Trust.
• No Secrets. Know each other’s passwords.

• Be a Team.
  • Plan what to do if the person from the affair makes contact.
  • United front with kids.

• Go over which areas in your marriage need to be nurtured so that you both can feel connected to each other again.

• Mutual Interests.

Physical Reconnection

• Take It Slow.
  • Start with physical, non-sexual touch

• Become Affectionate.
  • Hugging and/or kissing throughout the day (when you wake up, leaving home for the day, returning home in the evening, and bedtime)
  • Hand-holding.

• Beginning Intimacy.
  • Touching
  • Kissing

• Sexual Intimacy.

Seeking professional help from a qualified and experienced Marriage Therapist is highly recommended during the reconnection process.